Table of Contents
Embracing Openness
This year, light a candle and practise openness.
Being more open is to be more curious, adaptable and receptive. Instead of resisting an idea, a situation, a person or even yourself, you are more trusting. It is to acknowledge the facts and be more receptive, rather than in denial.
Understanding Openness
Yes, yes, yes, but what does this actually mean?
It means taking a step back and seeing what is there, without adding heavy layers of doubt, judgement or despair. These layers better understood by my kids as ‘The Disgusting Trifle’, when they start to add thick, unfounded layers onto a fairly manageable problem.
The resistance we may feel on a daily basis is caused by fears we’ve developed over the years and the protective mechanisms we’ve constructed to shield ourselves from hurt, disappointment or failure.
But being more open means allowing ourselves to widen our experience. By asking questions, whilst accepting what’s out of our control, we are broadening our horizons. According to Michelle Obama, being more open means we’re less likely to interpret challenges as a disadvantage.
Practising openness
By understanding that there may be a good reason for what is happening, one which we cannot see right now but trusting we are on the right path, we raise our vibrations instead of wallowing in hopelessness.
Ekhart Tolle in the ‘Power of Now’ urges us to avoid putting a label on present moment situations, circumstances and people and instead, approaching them with objectivity and kindness.
In doing so, the window of opportunity is opened up for us, rather than being concealed. When we resist, we remain trapped in that situation which may either remain the same or worsen. It is a habit born out of past experiences, fear and the need for self-preservation.
When we resist
So, what is at stake if we remain closed-minded?
- We may become stuck in a rut with our circumstances, health, relationships and day-to-day encounters.
- We may experience conflicts that don’t improve or go away
- We may feel low and insecure, needing to prove or defend ourselves constantly.
- We may struggle to get what we truly desire.
When we are open
What if we were that little bit more receptive?
- We become better at understanding others’ needs or quirks resulting in harmony and cooperation.
- We stay true to ourselves and learn to resolve conflict with compassion and confidence.
- We gain new experiences, enriching our lives.
- We embrace change in our circumstances with trust.
- We become more secure in ourselves as we cultivate a learning, curious mind where the world does not constantly revolve around our own feelings.
- We are better able to problem solve as we expose ourselves to new information.
- We learn to be more resilient with ourselves and become more self-accepting and self-caring.
- We become less defensive, refraining from the need to be right, and instead use our time and energy more wisely.
Real life examples of openness
1. Helped to understand conflict resolution
Openness is being open to our own feelings too, not just everyone else’s. I recently ignored my views on a matter at work, when I should have made my expectations clearer. But in order to avoid being seen as controlling, I decided to dismiss my instincts and try letting the matter go.
But as a result, I bottled up my feelings and the insecurities bubbled up and burst out with far too much drama and indignance.
Had I been truer to myself, I could have approached the situation with clarity and objective assertiveness.
2. Helped to embrace circumstances with trust
As a clinical professional, I worked in a place with patients who were very sick and frail. It eventually brought me down because I told myself constant negativity from such doom and gloom was not good for me. I resisted my circumstances and became overwhelmed with helplessness and the escalation of misery.
But I knew this attitude was not benefitting me, because I seemed to be changing as a person – for the worse. Once I practised accepting my situation and my job role as a matter of habit, I looked at the patients differently. Not just as sick bodies on beds, but with more openness.
Realising each person had a story, I stopped labelling my working day as hard and harrowing. Instead, I embraced my present moment. I had the potential to make a difference to each of those patients and the energy I radiated had a knock-on effect on them. They in turn taught me much about human resilience and strength and I realised where I was, was where I was meant to be.
Lo and behold, a month later, I was taken away from that environment completely and found a new opportunity. A window had opened and my openness freed up a new path.
3. Helped with self-acceptance and defensiveness.
I used to have a tough time with people quick to judge. I’d get defensive, because of feelings of being misunderstood, or inadequacy. I guess my father was one of these personalities. I lacked the maturity to try and get to know him better and our relationship was unfortunately unfulfilling.
Then, surprise, surprise, my mother-in-law landed on my doorstep. Like my father, in disguise! Although we cared for each other, my actions and thought processes sometimes left her bewildered. And I in turn would feel the need to defend myself and suffer the same old pattern of taking offense.
I became tired of always trying to prove myself. But then it hit me one day – I only felt offended because I wasn’t secure in myself. It was like a lightbulb moment!
I realized I needed to accept myself, warts and all. I am fallible and it’s ok to be seen this way. And that made it easier to accept my mother-in-law too wholeheartedly. I started quietly chuckling at my slip-ups instead of beating myself up and learnt to communicate more lovingly with my mother-in-law.
Forgotten a school event? Oh dear. It doesn’t make me a terrible mum. It means I need to organise the calendar better. As Richard L Franklin reminds us in ‘The Mythology of Self Worth’, focussing on the problem itself, rather than your entire personhood, puts things into perspective and is far easier to resolve.
Being more open has done wonders. My relationship with my mother-in-law is filled with love and honesty whilst appreciating each other’s differences. I am happier, less melodramatic and getting better at remembering those school events.
4. Helped gain new experiences
I am not one for roller-skating. The thought of desperately throwing myself onto the side panels, trying to stay upright in boots that instantly make me the most inflexible person known to man, is not my idea of fun. Watching others do this, is utterly hilarious! But being the one to be dripping in sweat, using every core muscle going, is my idea of hell.
So, when a friend suggested we all go to roller disco on a cold Saturday night, when half the town would be rammed into the hall with nothing better to do, I instinctively wanted to say sorry, but not this time, (smiley face). Cosying up at home with a film sounded a hundred times more appealing.
But I knew my kids would revel in it, it’d be nice to see my friend and sometimes it’s good to be spontaneous. So, I said yes.
What I’ve failed to tell you though is, I steered clear of skates myself and stayed firmly in my trainers, nice and upright, whilst I enthusiastically helped my kids find their feet – and that was sweat inducing enough!
But that night, not only did I enjoy the banging music and connected with my friend, but I witnessed my kids persevere like never before. I was blown away by their sheer grit. I saw them in a different light and held a new found appreciation.
Final thoughts
It’s interesting that from a literal point of view, openness is also defined as ‘free from obstruction’. It is the easy flow between two spaces. When we relate this to ourselves, it is the easy flow between experiences.
Whether it’s challenging work environments, complex family dynamics, or personal growth, openness transforms our outlook. It flips obstacles into opportunities, strangers into connections, and limitations into potential.
From greater prospects, to feeling more secure in ourselves, practising openness can be lifechanging. It seems a big leap towards a greater personal freedom which I’m sure you’ve experienced yourself with profound outcomes, at one time or another. Now let’s light that sensational candle, tap into this side of us and see what unexpected paths might open (preferably without the need for skates, if possible).